you find out you’re a porn star? Or, at least that’s what popped up near the top of one of my searches – not Caroline Bock – don’t go looking there – but it’s close enough. 

 

I couldn’t help it. I clicked. (But I am not including a link here – this site is visited by people across age groups, including students. Sorry to disappoint:  this is more a  quick literary story of discovery rather than any other kind of adventure. You can leave now, if you must.)

 

So I clicked, and I was pleasantly surprised. She has high cheek bones and auburn hair and full lips and a rather commanding, bold, Teutonic presence. She looks like someone who drinks lagers, recites the score of whatever game is on in the bar and has slept with the guitar player and the drummer and neither of them know about the other. She seems to be European, with a brash, ‘come get me if you can look’ of someone in their infallible twenties.

 

Am I falling into fantasy with this other c. bock? I wonder if she googles herself and ponders me with a similar speculation? Does she peer at my writerly self portrait and wonder what am I thinking? Or, is this a one-way mirror?

 

On my website, I have a number of page views from Russia and Germany and I’m certain it can’t be for my novels. They must be searching for this other too and finding me in frustration, and I wonder if they spend even a second curious about this Caroline Bock? I want to tell them that I am still working out who she is -- a writer, a wife, a mother, a sister, a tea-drinker, a reader of historical novels and history and young adult and just about anything else that has great characters and a story to match --but, still a work-in-progress. And yes, that other woman tantalizes, and maybe, I’m a little bit of her too.

 

 

Make sure you look for BEFORE MY EYES – in February, 2014!